Cornhole

Some times in life, I begin doing things that make me feel at peace. But as time goes on these same things that once brought me peace now bring me stress. I have a very competitive nature. It does not matter if we are playing cornhole outside to pass the time, I will want to win.

My fellow cornhole champ, we dominated

When I was little, I was on a trip with my parents and we met up with this family that I went to school with. Their son and I were riding bikes on a winding road. I ran over a rock with my bike and cut my leg wide open. But I was in the middle of a race with their son so I immediately got back up on my bike, blood gushing out of my leg, and sped up so I could win. The dad of the boy told my parents that he had never seen a little girl do something like that. My parents tell this story all the time, and they take credit for my “can-do” attitude. And I do owe it 100% to them. My mom wanted to learned to crochet when she was three years old. THREE YEARS OLD. And she made my Granny teach her, and she practiced until she was a master at the skill. My dad will work from sun up to sun down to ensure a job is done. He also played football in high school. He had to play ironman football, which is when you have to play both offense and defense. The school he went to was so small that he never got a break during games, but he did not need one. He was there to win, not sip water on the bench. I am so much like both of my parents. I want to win at everything I do. I want so badly to be the best at everything I do that it consumes me.

Blankets that mom has made
My favorite blanket that Mom made

In high school, I received several awards for papers that I wrote. I enjoyed writing. Written exams were my favorite type, because I could explain my thinking and show off my knowledge. During college, if my professors did not read my papers out loud to the class to illustrate what a good example was then I would feel like I did not do enough. I used to journal everyday. Writing, originally, was a way for me to be creative and I turned it into a chore. Whenever, I feel overloaded with school work I am unable to write in my free time. But I know writing in my free time could be the mental break that I need to motivate me to complete my academic assignments.

Doing my skincare routine also lost its luster after a while. At first it was so luxurious. I looked forward to it everyday. But it turned into such a process that it stopped being relaxing and instead it was just something else that I had to check off my daily to-do list. I HAD to do it so I would not look gray and old before my time. It was stressful to think that I had started using retinol at 21 instead of 20. So many wrinkles had formed in a year. Another whole year of sun damage.

When I started my skincare instagram (@savsskincare), it was soooo fun. I was just talking about products that I loved and how I used them. But like everything else, it became a competition. I wanted to take the best photos and I wanted to grow my account overnight. I wanted the support of everyone in my life and even people I did not know. It stopped being fun and felt too much like a job.

With everything in my life, I have to constantly take a step back and think about the intentions of my actions. Constantly competing with everyone in the world is not healthy or easy. Constantly competing with myself is not a simple task either. I do think competition is GREAT. I think it strengthens people and gives people a goal. But there is a limit to how many competitions you can be in and without constantly feeling exhausted. I am trying very hard to appreciate where I am in every aspect of my life. Each step of every journey is needed for growth.

Published by savsselfcare

Passionate about selfcare, skincare, health, beauty, and living a full life Instagram: @savsskincare

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